Inhale love. Exhale hate.

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Hi. I survived 2015.
Ended the year with a series of events that now serves as a lesson learnt and will be kept in the back of my mind for the rest of my life.
I have been wanting to say this, but every time I tried, these goddamn tears just wouldn’t stop rolling down my cheeks. So here I am, ready to finally get it out.

I have ended my 9-year relationship with my high school sweetheart.

If you asked me what went wrong, I don’t think I have the answer to this right now. But I can only say, time will tell. 

To be honest, I don’t and never regretted being in this relationship. After all it mostly consisted of great memories, how we used to be each other’s world. I valued and missed all the good days we had.
We got together before our O’s at 16,  we practically spent almost 1/3 of each others life together as a couple. From graduation, to him going into army, to poly days and then to the working society. It has all been pretty smooth sailing but well, shit happens.

It breaks me to finally accept what we deserve most isn’t each other.

I guess this blow was time I open up my eyes to this cruel world. To believe that what I think I see in a person, is not what he/she is after all. I have only myself to blame for letting this happen, letting this toxic into our lives.

Moving on now, and I must say this needs some getting used to. A life without him isn’t one that will be easy. After all I’ve invested so much of my heart into my first love, whom I thought to have every memory of my future with. Someone once told me, if you were in a 6 months r/s, you need 6 months to forget that person. Does it mean I need 9 years? I’m refusing to believe it.

Never knew I would actually have to go through a heartache like this. Big hugs and respect to all the brokenhearted girls who went through the same shit and got back on their feet in no time. Cliche as it may sound, I truly do not know how it would be without my family and friends picking me up when I hit rock bottom. Honestly I’m not sure if it’s the right move to be talking about such personal issues here but after all, this is my personal space. 

This 2016, I promise to live my everyday to the fullest and make the best out of it. Inhale love, Exhale hate. So be gone, all those sleepless nights. I can do this.

With that said, I have faith that this is going to be a year of beautiful moments waiting to happen. So here I am, embracing change.

Inhale love. Exhale hate.
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  1. Anonymous 3 years ago

    Hi Jolene, Jiayou! it's a pity as i did see the two of u looking good together just like oct15 or nov15 last yr when I visited his cafe n ur ohvola corner, but i guess from this situation its definitely him letting you down, as long as u tried u best, u have no regrets. Chin up babe as u are still so young n pretty, yes, ive been thru similar heartbreaks before where I cry and cry everyday at every single damn thing and memories flashback and i took much longer to recover than u, but we will meet someone who's better and will treat us better definitely! I like your positivity! Stay happy and good luck!

  2. Anonymous 3 years ago

    Dear Jolene,

    My heartfelt emotions to whatever you are going thru right now. I truly understand how you feel, because i am currently in the midst of a healing phase for something similar. Theres no instant solution to make us feel alright right away when our hearts are deeply shattered and broken. Only when you learn to manage your emotions with time, your heart will then gradually heal by itself. Every hurt and pain is a learning process. Be positive and have faith, you have all it takes to put yourself back together. Looking forward to you getting well. Take care. (:

  3. Anonymous 3 years ago

    hi jolene. i was really surprised when i read this post because i am in the same exact situation as you are in right now. my bf ended our 9 years relationship at the end of last year. i was so heartbroken and depressed. every day after felt like a bad dream. but i know it's nothing but a reality i have to face. somehow i feel slightly comforted reading your post, not because of your breakup, but because i know there's someone out there who is pressing on through this pain as much as me. who knows what the future might be. but i look forward to the day when i can walk out of this dark place and feel truly happy again. i wish the same for you. lets get well together. God bless. =)

  4. Anonymous 3 years ago

    Cheer up babe! I have been through worse than you. 2 breakups initiated by the same man. Yes, he broke my heart twice… it has been 3 years since our Divorce and I am still heartbroken..
    Anyway, be brave and move on. Move forward!

  5. Jolene Zhou 3 years ago

    Hello there! Thank you, really sweet of you for the well wishes!
    Yup no regrets!! Thou you took a longer time, I'm glad you did at the end of the day. All the best to you too <3

  6. Jolene Zhou 3 years ago

    Hello there, sucks that you are going through the same shit like I am. Time sure heals everything, provided we move along with it so yes thank you so much for this. What doesn't kill us, definitely makes us stronger. I hope that 2016 will be a great year for you. May all the good things come your way!

  7. Jolene Zhou 3 years ago

    Hello there, I'm sorry to hear we are in the exact same situation. 9 years is indeed a long time and it's not going to be easy getting out of this nightmare. But I believe through this, we will definitely come out stronger and this is also the best time for us to get to know ourselves better. So yep positive thoughts everyday and let's make the best out of this new year. All the best to you, hugs!

  8. Jolene Zhou 3 years ago

    Hi Emily, thank you for the timely reminder xx

  9. Jolene Zhou 3 years ago

    Hello there, thank you! I just wanna say, don't be so hard on yourself. I'm sure you have friends and family who love you just the same so have faith!! I know it's not gonna be easy but I sincerely hope you will be able to get out of this heartache. May this 2016 be our year, lets work hard together and not let anyone else dull our sparkle <3

  10. Anonymous 3 years ago

    Hi Jolene, was it because of third party R? :'(

  11. Anonymous 3 years ago

    Stay strong! You definitely deserve better!

  12. Anonymous 3 years ago

    rachell tan, pxd kitty?

  13. Anonymous 3 years ago

    I guess so.

  14. Anonymous 3 years ago

    Hey jolene! feel you because i am going through exactly the same thing. you're a reallly strong girl. Hope things are better for you now! It'll definitely be a better year for you ahead.Respect your courage to embrace changes. πŸ™‚

  15. Anonymous 3 years ago
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